Everlasting love of Liam.
January 30th, 2013 | SarahLove
The first time that I met Cristal and Marcus they were about to deliver their son. Baby Liam was full term and ready to show up at anytime. They went in for a routine check up on a Friday and everything checked out as normal. By Monday, movements of baby Liam kicking around had ceased. They went back to the doctor’s to discover that their precious baby boy didn’t have a heartbeat anymore. A parents worst possible scenario. After genetic tests came back negative, the doctors don’t really have a solid answer for Liam’s passing. Not one single solid answer for a time when answers of ‘why’ are desperately needed.
I was contacted by my area coordinator, through the non-profit organization Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, to provide Cristal and Marcus with images of welcoming the birth of their son, Liam, into this world. To say that this was an an honor, will never do it justice. I wonder if I can even try to explain it exactly in the way I feel about this honor.
During the deepest, most intimate and personal moments of grief stricken loss and heartbreak, I had the privilege of being in a room in which I really had no business. If any ego existed in my being, it was not in that room. I watched the ticking of the clock, I heard the clicking of my camera shutter, I saw happiness and tears. Tears of having to say hello to a beautiful baby at the very same time tears of having to say goodbye. A hello and goodbye in unison. It’s not fair. As I write this, my heart aches and my eyes well up. If my heart aches, I can not even come close to imagine the heartbreak of the parents of Liam. Tears of joy when they first saw him as they tried to figure out whose shade of dark tendrils did Liam have. Were his sweet little feet like his mother’s, were his ears like his father’s? They laughed. Then cried. Kissed him, hugged him and love him. In a forever lasting love kind of way.
A year passed.
Last Wednesday I stood in the surgery room dressed from head to toe in a sterile suit, about to document the birth of their daughter, Jaylen. Moments before that the father, Marcus, brought up the pictures I provided of Liam. ‘They mean the world’, he continued, ‘Especially since our camera was stolen with all of our images of Liam on them….. the ones that you took are all we have.’ Then he gestured to his palm, where a shiny new point and shoot lay. He got it for Cristal for Christmas because she told him that photographs are the most important things to her. To her, it’s what mattered the most.
It’s what mattered the most. I keep playing those words over and over in my head.
Liam’s name was talked about all day last week. How big he was compared to new baby Jaylen! They compared footprints, hair color and talked about the cake that they just celebrated his birth with, surrounded by family. The necklace that Cristal wears in remembrance of Liam placed on the table next to her before being wheeled off to surgery. His presence was very much in that hospital room last week and that love will be carried with them forever more. Love is something that never ends.
Cristal and Marcus gave me full permission to share their very special moments with their son, Liam, with you. Sharing his images with you is a beautiful privilege and another way they want to honor his life. Thank you both for sharing with us, this very special love. In sharing, Cristal has expressed to me that she hopes their story will reach out to people to let them know that they are not alone. Which will always be hard to accept, even to this day. She graciously said, ‘Pictures are a million words to me because, it’s all we have left.’
The definitive reason of Liam’s passing is unknown but if there is one thing that is, it was the solidity of unsurpassed amount of love the day Cristal and Marcus became parents.
Liam Marcus ~ January 10th 2012
This quote is so powerful when I think of Liam and the amount of people his life has beautifully touched.
“There is no footprint
too small
it cannot leave an imprint
on this world.”
Friends. Some of you have told me that you don’t understand how or why I provide my talent, time and images to the parents. I hope you can now see why. The ‘how’ isn’t a choice. It happens because it matters. It’s healing and it helps families remember what their babies looked like. During moments of intense heartbreak, it can be hard to recall everything or anything at all. I will say it a million times if I must, I had the honor and privilege to be in that room to document handsome baby Liam. I spent every moment I possibly could capturing the everlasting love of Liam.
Oh my heart aches for them. I cannot imagine the sorrow. I love the feeling these images capture, especially when her bed is encircled by people who love her. Lia came to earth to get his body. They’ll see him again, I’m sure of it.
Emily, Thank you so much for your beautiful words. The love in that room was overflowing.
Beautifully done, as always!
Desiree. Thank YOU forever for being my teacher. Hugs.
There are no words that can express what I feel when I read this. Baby Liam is an angel of the hands of the Lord. Liam is loved by so many people. Thank the Lord for letting Liam’s parents hold him, kiss him, hug him, until they reunite again, they will love him unconditionally and think about the time they had with him. Liam will always watch over his family. My heart aches when I think about ‘why’ Liam had to go to heaven so soon. God had a plan for him. Marcus and Cristal are strong people, who love eachother so deeply, we are all so happy that they are strong and were able to have baby Liam’s sister, Jaylen. Their children are truely blessings. I remember January 10, 2012 like it was yesterday. Liam and my son share the same birthday. After having a c-section, I wanted to leave the hospital and go and be with two friends that needed support. I wanted to be there with them. I cried in my hospital bed holding my newborn son. Asking the Lord why, why Liam, he was supposed to be my son’s best friend. They were supposed to go to school together. This can’t happen. I cried more. Til this day I regret not going to hospital to be with them and to meet Liam. I regret not going to baby Liam’s funeral. The fact that I would have been holding my healthy son in front of them, right after the passing of their son made me sick. It made my stomach turn. I wouldn’t have been able to face my own friends and say I’m sorry for your loss. The way I felt was an undescribable feeling that I have never felt before. After a couple days I thought to myself, thinking about how selfish I was not knowing what it could have been if I just would have gone. I have a knot in the back of my throat everytime I think about it. Cristal and Marcus are two of the strongest people I know. They are truely blessed with two amazing, beautiful, remarkable children. This story about this family is so touching, the pictures are beautiful. <3
Ashley, The amount of people that love Liam just keeps growing. People that don’t even know the family personally feel the love when they see with their own eyes, the images of this day. Just in the short time this has been posted, the love continues to multiply. I am so sorry for your loss of Liam. I have no doubt in my mind that you wanted to be there. I hope that you can forgive yourself for any guilt or regrets that you have placed upon yourself. You were trying to be sensitive to the family during a difficult time and I commend you for your thoughtfulness. Just knowing the people that Cristal and Marcus are, they would want you to embrace your baby and thank you for thinking of them during such heartbreak. I am sure of it. Hugs.
It’s why I think you are one of the kindest most generous people I’ve ever met.. God Bless the parents of Baby Liam for sharing the story of their beautiful Angel. God chose a special couple to share such heartbreak. I will never forget their story.
Sheryl, my friend. I think of you the same way. You are one of the kindest most giving of people, a lot like my own mother. Thank you for embracing the story of Liam close to your heart. Miss you. Hugs.
Sarah, as always, this was so beautifully documented. What a precious gift Liam was to his parents and one they will cherish in a way most of us will never understand. You are such a wonderfully kind and amazing person. I think it’s wonderful this service you provide.
Love to you. xoxoxo
So much love to you, Kristi. Thank you for taking the time to constantly support not only my photography but my soul. <3
So touching. I could not hold back the tears. I felt the need to go in a private room to view thw pictures because that’s how precious and sacred of a moment this must have been for this family. Thank you Sarah for bringing this story to life through photographs and thank you to the family who was so brave to let that happen.
Ashley. Thank you so much for saying that to me. That’s exactly the feeling I had. Every moment was so precious and sacred. I am so glad you could feel that through the images because it was. Much love.
[...] believes with all her heart that handsome baby Liam will forever watch over his beautiful baby sister, [...]
Beautiful Sarah
Thank you Liz!
what an amazing story. and so special for them to share it. it’s so amazing how someone can make such an impact! i have a feeling Liam is an awesome big brother!
Yes, April! It is amazing and so incredibly beautiful. No two loves are ever the same! Thank you for your words.